We're so focussed on the outcomes of things that we sometimes miss the point. I'm sure you all know people that are confronted with a challenge big or small and they start. . ."OMG Why is this happening to me?" "I just need a break!", "Oh F*&^". They can't even drive to work without seeing the dark clouds come over as if the world were plotting against them. Now maybe you're not like this and only sometimes get into the glass half empty mood. Whatever the case, you are entirely missing the point.
YOU HAVE A CHOICE! Not necessarily about the WHAT, but about the HOW you approach it. Let's take something light. You come home, the house is a mess, your teenagers are all in their rooms screaming at their Xbox, the kitchen looks like a lab experiment, the lounge room is littered with clothes, the dogs have't gone out and you've had a hard day. HOW do you approach this?
Option 1: Your usual yelling at the kids while picking up the collateral, and multi-tasking taking the dogs out while still answering emails from your boss about today.
Option 2: At the door before coming in, you pause. You take a breath, knowing what's going to be on the other side of the door. You pick up your big girl pants and walk through and calmly deal with the situation but are affected negatively and you either push down the emotions or feel drained.
Option 3: At the door before you come in, you pause. You think of the time your children were born. You look into their little sweet faces and feel how you felt at the time. You remind yourself that total chaos is a normal part of the journey. You can even look to the future and see your children all grown and graduating university or getting their first fantastic job with the excitement and joy it brings. And even though you feel the discomfort of total chaos being on the other side of the door, you're going to CHOOSE to break your usual pattern. You're going to pre-plan how to strategise to get the chaos a little under control in order to get through the evening. Separating the important things like food, walking the dogs, cleaning up enough to get those done, and how you can take care of yourself. Maybe have a shower and wash the day away. Write back to your boss and let her know you'll respond in the morning.
This situation is not there to piss you off or conspire against you. The BEST response for you and everyone else is to choose option 3. Hands down! Isn't this what life is for? Most of us want to do better, be better, and help others as much as possible. This situation is how we can create a better future for us and those around us. Your life is providing you with the very environment where you can be challenged to be the best version of yourself. Yes it takes energy and time and work. But predominantly, the choices you have made in the last year have provided the life you have today. How much better would your life be if you mostly choose option 3? There is always an option 3.
Now I know you're going to say that bad things happen in life and you can't just "breathe" through it. They are devastating, they throw you totally off balance. And Yes that's true. But feeling your grief because your Mom died is option 3. that IS the best way to deal with it. Option 3 doesn't always feel good. You may need to walk away from friends that feel familiar. You may need to lose more than you gain for a while. You may need to address some pretty awful past experiences. But this is the ONLY way to heal and the ONLY way that you can truly be at your best.
Life is a journey. You don't have control of the outcome. But you can make the journey way more fun and exciting. the choice is yours.
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